A Lot of Consonants

All this talk of cookies reminds me of my favorite cookie in the world. It is the no-bake, which may be found at grade school bake sales, truck stops and gas stations throughout northern New England, or maybe at your aunt’s house.

Here’s how:

In a large saucepan mix 2 cups white sugar, 1 stick margarine (YES MARGARINE) and 1/2 cup milk (fellow lactards will be pleased to know I have done this successfully with almond milk). Bring the mixture to a full, rolling boil and let it boil for exactly one minute. Remove from heat. Stir in 1 teaspoon vanilla, 3 cups rolled oats (not the quick-cooking kind) and 3/4 cup peanut butter. If your peanut butter is not very salty you might want to add a pinch of salt. Mix well to combine—add another few tablespoons of oats if the mixture seems too wet—and drop by large spoonfuls onto wax-paper-lined cookie trays. Refrigerate until firm.

If you are the sort of person who insists on putting chocolate in everything you can add 3-4 tablespoons of unsweetened cocoa powder to the saucepan mixture before boiling.

These are terrible for you.