A Lot of Consonants

abbyjean: Kurt Braunohler hires man in plane to write stupid...

Fri, 17 May 2013 12:16:28 -0400

Kurt Braunohler hires man in plane to write stupid things in the sky - Salon

Kurt, as always, is the best.

"What makes NPR reporters’ names so particularly mellifluous? There’s that pleasing..."

Mon, 06 May 2013 11:59:16 -0400

“What makes NPR reporters’ names so particularly mellifluous? There’s that pleasing alliteration — Allison Aubrey, Louisa Lim, Carl Kassell, Susan Stamberg. And it’s hard to match those mouth-filling double-barrelled names. Think Ofeibea Quist-Arcton, Soraya Sarhaddi Nelson, Chana Joffe-Walt, Lourdes Garcia-Navarro, Dina Temple-Raston, Charlayne Hunter-Gault. According to one study, women in the arts and entertainment are more likely to keep their names; the authors hypothesized that their maiden names had already become “akin to a ‘brand’.””

- I’m not married and I don’t have a ‘brand,’ but I’m posting this because a) It’s true, NPR reporters have the best names; b) ‘Double-barrelled’ is such a great term for it, so much better than ‘hyphenated.’

From here on out you may refer to me as a ‘double-barreller.’

missbananafish: stuffmomnevertoldyou: Billy Possum: The Teddy...

Fri, 03 May 2013 11:09:01 -0400

missbananafish:

stuffmomnevertoldyou:

Billy Possum: The Teddy Bear Successor You’ve Never Heard Of

These days, the item most closely associated with President William “Big Bill” Taft is a bathtub. Weighing more than 300 pounds when he moved into the White House in 1909, Taft had a gargantuan, new tub installed that stretched 7 feet (2.1 meters) long and 41 inches (1.04 meters) wide to fit his ample frame, stoking rumors that he had gotten stuck in the old one and need a team of men and butter sticks to hoist him out. Indeed, Taft’s size was an enduring butt of jokes throughout his political career and legacy, but before the bathtub, it was Taft’s taste for possum that got people talking…

True story! My high school BFF’s dad had the tub that they removed - it was huge, so if Taft couldn’t fit into it, he must have been The World’s Biggest Man. BFF’s Dad had the tub in his en suite bath. It was beautiful but it took FOREVER to fill up so it was hardly ever used, though a bunch of us did sit in it while drunk at a party and had a hell of time getting out.

Well, this is something.

sarahspy: Kim Deal “Hot Shot” Off a forthcoming 7”...

Thu, 02 May 2013 17:20:46 -0400

sarahspy:

Kim Deal “Hot Shot”

Off a forthcoming 7” single

(via)

"Women in any position of power or outspokenness, people are just uncomfortable with it, men and..."

Fri, 26 Apr 2013 15:32:15 -0400

“Women in any position of power or outspokenness, people are just uncomfortable with it, men and women alike. It just freaks them the fuck out. I may sound like a megalomaniac, but I feel like I’m equipped to become a great, memorable comedian, if I keep working my ass off and staying at the pace I’m at, and I feel a responsibility to do that because of the women who have done it before me, and the ones who need to do it after me.”

- Amy Schumer has been kinda inescapable around my office lately (her face is the first thing I see when I’m waiting for the elevator). I am OK with this.

likeapairofbottlerockets: am i on the right website??? This is...

Mon, 22 Apr 2013 17:59:45 -0400

likeapairofbottlerockets:

am i on the right website???

This is legit the first thing that’s made me laugh all day, and yes I know where I work

"You’re never too old to have the life you want. Truly. But you do need to know what you want..."

Wed, 10 Apr 2013 16:13:26 -0400

“You’re never too old to have the life you want. Truly. But you do need to know what you want first, and—maybe even more importantly?—you need to be able to say it out loud, without shame.”

- This is from an advice column headlined I Am 40. Will I Be Alone Forever? but it is PRETTY DAMN SOLID ADVICE even if you are not 40 and do not feel particularly alone.

On thumbs

Thu, 04 Apr 2013 19:37:00 -0400

When I was, oh, thirteen or so, my cousins and I wrote a musical called “Lights, Camera, Disaster,” which we performed in my relatives’ living room. The plot involved a struggling movie production company that took a gamble on a script called “Idaho Jones and the Search for the Ultimate Potato,” which (spoiler alert) triggered a show-within-a-show followed by (big spoiler alert) hilarious disasters.

I have a lot of cousins, but not that many, so we all played dual roles, and awkwardly/innocently enough we wrote a love story plot that required my cousin Joseph to pretend to fall for his sister. I played an airhead producer in the framing scenes and a director with a drinking problem in the central scenes on the movie set. I had no idea what it was like to have a drinking problem, but I staggered around and yelled at the camera operator, played by my then-very-little brother John, who elicited “awws” from the audience when he mumbled his lines.

The play ended with the producers back in their office reading reviews of “Idaho Jones,” which had managed to wrap despite my character’s alcoholism and a creepy German villain played with much aplomb and mustache-twirling by my cousin Matt. The movie was a flop. The producers sank into depression. We thought we needed a joke there but we weren’t sure what to do, so during rehearsals I wrote this exchange:

Me: Hey, Siskel and Ebert gave us two thumbs up!

(The others brighten.)

Me: …Oh, never mind. I was holding the newspaper upside-down.

In some ways it was a custom joke for my movie-obsessed family: We read Roger Ebert’s collected reviews over and over, memorizing and quoting particularly funny or scathing observations, using them to guide us in our regular binges at the video rental place down the road. Our copies of his review anthologies grew tattered and dog-eared, and someone was always sneaking off to the bathroom with them.

In other ways it was just a joke, and when I said it during the performance the grown-ups laughed, real laughter, not the polite stuff, and that felt better than anything I’d ever felt before, like flying mixed with candy.

Anyway. Two thumbs up, Roger, always and forever, no matter which way I hold the newspaper.

ccindecision: Willard Mitt Romney offered some thoughts on his...

Fri, 29 Mar 2013 12:37:05 -0400

ccindecision:

Willard Mitt Romney offered some thoughts on his grandchildren’s names while speaking with Dennis Miller. It’s worth unpacking this gem:

“A few months ago we had twins come in (1), and you can’t believe what they’re named: Winston and Eleanor (2). [Laughs.] (3) I mean, it’s going back to the glorious days of the thirties and forties (4), I guess. But these are just darling little infants, and to have such big names on them is really something, although they call them Ellie and Win … When I heard Winston and Eleanor, I thought, It sounds like two English bulldogs (5), but they’re adorable children.”

1. Like from a catalog? Were they having a two-for-one special?

2. Say it with me: “Willard. Mitt. Romney.” You don’t get to poke fun at anyone else’s name, Willard, Father of Tagg.

3. “An old-timey name. Ha ha ha, marvelous!”

4. Some terms you might have used to describe two decades of war and depression besides “glorious”: traumatic, agonizing, brutal.

5. Okay, this is true and adorable. You win this round, Willard.

Photo by Justin Sullivan/Getty Images News/Getty Images

‘Winston’ just makes me think of Rich Juzwiak’s ex-cat.

A REVOLUTION IN AUTOMATED AFFLUENCE A REVOLUTION IN FACTORY...

Mon, 25 Mar 2013 09:52:54 -0400

A REVOLUTION IN AUTOMATED AFFLUENCE

A REVOLUTION IN FACTORY INDULGENCE

A REVOLUTION IN SALT-MINE EXTRAVAGANCE

A REVOLUTION IN MANUFACTURED OPULENCE

A REVOLUTION IN WIDGETIZED LEISURE

A REVOLUTION IN WAREHOUSE SPLENDOR

A REVOLUTION IN MECHANICAL BLISS

Butternut, chard and caramelized onion lasagna

Sat, 23 Mar 2013 18:42:00 -0400

I haven’t posted any recipes or cooking-y things in a while. It’s not that I haven’t been making food for myself, it’s just that the food I’ve been making has been utilitarian, the sort of thing you assemble and eat quickly or use for leftovers (noodles with kimchi and poached eggs, curried rice and beans). Also, I can’t lie, there have been several Cereal for Supper nights lately.

However, it is allegedly spring but still chilly in New York, and tomorrow is Sunday, so perhaps you are thinking of making a nice supper that will allow you to spend several hours in the kitchen and leave you with enough food for a few days’ lunches. If that is the case, read on, and do not be daunted by the number of ingredients or the length of the directions. Also, I suppose you could skip the cashew ricotta steps if your stomach/respiratory system can handle dairy ricotta (mine can’t!), but both my dairy-eating companion and I agreed that the cashew ricotta has a particular charm all its own.

You will need:

1 large butternut squash, sliced in half lengthwise and seeds removed
2 large yellow onions
4 cloves garlic (divided use)
1 large bunch Swiss chard
1 box lasagna noodles, cooked or not, according to the package (I used these — “Joy has many dimensions.”)
1/2 c. raw cashews that you’ve soaked in cool water for at least 3 hours
1 lb. firm tofu (settle down, it won’t kill you)
1 lemon
A hunk of pecorino romano—eventually you will need to grate about 1/3-1/2 cup of it (note to fellow lactards: for some reason sheep’s milk cheeses, especially aged ones, are OK for me in small quantities but YMMV—I bet you could substitute some nutritional yeast)
3 c. almond milk (unsweetened, plain; you could probably use rice milk but it won’t be as creamy, or soy milk but it will taste beany)
a large handful of flat-leaf parsley
3 TBS butter or nondairy substitute, plus a bit more
3 TBS flour (I used rice flour plus a bit of cornstarch)
olive oil
some balsamic vinegar
ground nutmeg
thyme leaves
salt, pepper (I used white peppercorns in a grinder)
1 small jar of your favorite tomato sauce, preferably something flavorful and simple

Step 1: Prep the squash.

Cut the squash in half lengthwise, scoop out the seeds, roast on a baking sheet at 400 until it’s soft. This could take a while (45-60 minutes, or more), depending on the size of your squash.

Step 2: Make the cashew ricotta.

(This is basically the recipe from Vegenomicon, btw.) Drain your cashews well. Put them in the blender or food processor until they look like crumbs. Drain the tofu, break it into small chunks, add to the blender along with two cloves of garlic, the juice of one lemon, a couple drizzles of olive oil, a pinch of nutmeg and some salt and white pepper. Blend or process until it’s creamy, but not TOO smooth, you want some texture—like dairy ricotta. Taste and add salt, pepper or lemon to taste. You may have to do this in batches, which is fine. Set the cashew ricotta aside in the fridge while you work on other things.

Step 3: Caramelize the onions.

Slice the onions very very thinly. Heat a healthy drizzle of olive oil and a small knob of butter in a large skillet. Add onions and a pinch of salt. Stir and cook over medium heat until onions soften and turn brown. Keep stirring as they get gooey. Add a drizzle of balsamic vinegar and keep cooking/stirring. These can go for about 40 minutes and then be set aside.

Step 4: Back to the squash.

Assuming your squash is fully cooked by now, pull it out of the oven and let it sit until it’s cool enough to handle (but still warm). Scoop out the flesh and mash, leaving some texture. Add a pinch of salt and pepper.

Step 5: Sauté the chard.

Remove chard leaves from stems, slice thinly, and sauté in a little olive oil just until soft. Crumble several large pinches of thyme leaves into the pan as the chard cooks. Stir cooked chard into the cashew ricotta and set aside.

Step 6: Make the béchamel.

In a medium saucepan melt 3 TBS butter (or butter substitute). Don’t let it brown! Just melt. Stir in two cloves garlic, finely chopped, and sauté for a minute. Stir in 3 TBS flour (regular or GF substitute), then quickly whisk in 3 cups almond milk. Bring to a simmer and stir continuously so it doesn’t lump. It should thicken up after a few minutes (and will continue to thicken as it cools). Stir in 2-3 TBS shredded pecorino. Stir in salt and pepper to taste, then remove from heat and stir in a big handful of finely-chopped parsley.

Step 7: Cook the lasagna noodles if they are the kind you need to pre-cook.

If you are doing this, you should have put a big pot of water on to boil back around step 5, since it takes several minutes for a big pasta pot to come to a boil. Don’t forget to salt the water. Don’t overcook the noodles; drain well and rinse in cool water.

Step 8: Assemble.

If you turned the oven off after removing the squash, turn it back on to 375.

In a 9x13” dish (or similar), spread several tablespoons of tomato sauce.

Add a layer of noodles.

Add 1/3 of the squash, then 1/3 of the ricotta-chard mixture, then 1/3 of the caramelized onions, then 1/3 of the béchamel. Top with another layer of noodles and repeat.

Do it again.

Finish with a layer of noodles on top.

Pour about 1 c. tomato sauce over the top layer of noodles.

Bake, uncovered, for 30 minutes.

Remove from oven. Sprinkle 1/4 - 1/2 c. shredded pecorino romano on top of the lasagna, then return to oven and bake for 5-10 minutes more, or until cheese melts. This makes an insane amount of lasagna, and is insanely delicious.

Serve with a nice red wine, which you should have started drinking around Step 6 or so.

ilyagerner: ccindecision: There’re at least two things wrong...

Fri, 22 Mar 2013 13:57:39 -0400

ilyagerner:

ccindecision:

There’re at least two things wrong with this official Department of Education website quoting Mao Zedong:

1. Mao probably meant “to be insatiable in learning,” not “satiable.”

2. WHY ARE YOU QUOTING MAO ZEDONG ON A U.S. GOVERNMENT WEBSITE?

UPDATE: The new QOTD reads, “Sorry there is no quote of the of the today” [SIC!]

(h/t Lee Fang)

The webmaster of the NCES Kids’ Zone page is not having a good day.

rendit: By all means, keep talking about Jay Leno and Jimmy...

Thu, 21 Mar 2013 13:53:46 -0400

rendit:

By all means, keep talking about Jay Leno and Jimmy Fallon.

I was just thinking about this guy the other day. Not sure why. Maybe I ate something. Anyway, it turns out he sold his West Hollywood house for $2.9 million last summer.

This concludes your Craig Kilborn real estate update.

Blog post

Tue, 19 Mar 2013 11:23:35 -0400

Contrary to popular belief, 18 baby weasels will make you feel better about your day. Single moms are the problem. Nobody understands the economy. Beyonce. You are eating wrong. Older moms are the problem. Maybe she shouldn’t have worn that. Twitter foreign policy. Lena Dunham. Too much hype has ruined it. Brooklyn. Senator Twitter. Women with jobs are the problem. People have sex. Nobody pays writers. This meat product is over. This video. Do you remember the nineties? Women do not take responsibility for being the problem. Obama administration Twitter. Sensitive man-boy writes book. Brooklyn is ruined. Taylor Swift. We are reclaiming this word. It will kill you.

“This is changing what I think of them right now. I...

Tue, 12 Mar 2013 10:27:37 -0400

“This is changing what I think of them right now. I thought they were quiet, I thought they weren’t like this. I thought they were more quiet like that, but I guess it’s more deeper inside all these- ew. Ew.”

This 18-minute documentary about a group of so-called “dirty girls,” their Riot Grrrl zine and their classmates’ perceptions is well worth your time.

(via)

Here's my interview with Nick Offerman.

Wed, 27 Feb 2013 11:29:41 -0500

Here's my interview with Nick Offerman.:

plittly:

Such a gentleman, that guy. This got edited way down, but this is some of the best stuff. (What is missing: He told me that the Offerman woodshop is going to start making ukuleles this summer, and also said that he’d rather “read a book or enact husbandry on my wife” than use Twitter frequently.)

ccindecision: Let’s count the number of things wrong with this...

Tue, 26 Feb 2013 17:00:00 -0500

ccindecision:

Let’s count the number of things wrong with this tweet, which was sent from the official account of a liberal Super PAC called Progress Kentucky:

It’s racist toward Sen. Mitch McConnell’s wife, who is Chinese-American.

Sen. Mitch McConnell’s wife’s ethnicity does not explain why you lost your job.

It links to the website of wacko conspiracy theorist Jeff Rense, which also features articles like “Islamic Butchery Manifests in America with Muslim Immigrants” and “Biggest Mass UFO Sighting in History—New Photo Analysis!.”

Did we mention it’s racist?

There was really no need to hashtag ‘wife.’

(h/t Think Progress)

The hashtag bugged me.

largeheartedboy: The Unsacred Hearts cover The Ramones’ “Judy...

Fri, 22 Feb 2013 10:39:01 -0500

largeheartedboy:

The Unsacred Hearts cover The Ramones’ “Judy Is a Punk”

very serious business

comedycentral: Nathan Fielder Interview - Comedy Central’s...

Thu, 21 Feb 2013 18:00:43 -0500

comedycentral:

Nathan Fielder Interview - Comedy Central’s “Nathan For You”

Which idea did you have the hardest time selling to an owner?

There’s one later in the season at a place that claims to have the best burger in LA. The owner unwaveringly said it’s the best. I said, “Oh, we should do promotion then where you take one bite, and if you don’t like it we’ll give you $100 cash of your money.” He was very reluctant but I convinced him to do it and then we got on LA’s most popular radio station and announced it. It didn’t play out as bad for him necessarily as it did for me.

Have you heard back from anyone that’s had really positive results based on your advice?

I don’t know if people kept the ideas going or not. My guess is that most were happy to be done. We did drive by one place we filmed that was all boarded up.

Nathan Fielder is awesome. I watched a screener of his pilot a while back and it made me laugh so hard the wet things happened on my face.

Mongers, in order

Fri, 15 Feb 2013 10:35:18 -0500

Fish

Coster

Cheese

Scandal

Iron

Hate

War